I'm Ok. You're Ok. (Now please stop judging!)

So during Obesity Awareness Week I wrote a blog of things to be "aware" of but I never published it as it also included a very personal account of how I feel about being overweight. I have decided to amend the blog to address some things that I keep seeing on line.

I dont want to share the posts that I have seen because I am not prepared to perpetuate the thoughtlessness and cruelty that still exists about other people's bodies. One of them is a picture with a Full Body MRI scan of an obese person on one side, and a then person on the other side. The other picture is of an "unhealthy" heart. In actual fact the "unhealthy" heart is a perfectly healthy heart just about to be used in transplant surgery to save someone's life.

These pictures invited the most vitriolic of comments. It was like some people needed to have their say about how disgusted they were by anyone overweight. And boy did they comment!

So here are my 5 Things to be AWARE of in honour of Obesity Awareness Week. Please note: these are MY opinions, no one elses.

1. Im aware Im obese.
I dont need reminding. Im reminded every time I have to climb the stairs or do up my shoelaces. Im reminded every time I look in the mirror or try to wear a nice dress. My health choices have led me to this point, I blame no one else. But I also believe that society's acceptance or lack thereof, of my weight stems from a very wrong idea that all fat people don't care, are lazy and sit on their couch all day watching Jeremy Kyle and eating KFC. I wish I had that kind of time!

2. Just because Im fat doesnt mean Im lazy.
Making assumptions about someone's lifestyle based on their size is akin to assuming blondes are dumb, or have more fun!. Dont get me wrong, right now, I'm unfit and inflexible.  Up until the last few years I have always maintained a level of fitness and flexibility. I am a wife, a mother, a friend, a confidante, a small business owner, a singing teacher, a mentor, a mentee, a working musician and a whole host of other things. I dont have time to be lazy! Im too busy working. See Im not saying I dont eat crap, Im just saying I dont eat it all the time, and I dont choose to eat it because Im lazy. I choose to eat it because Im busy and disorganised some of the time. And sometimes, yes, I want crap food!

It may bother people to know this, but not everyone finds a six pack inspiring. I also know a lot of Plus Size women who work out regularly. Georgina Horne of Fuller Figure, Fuller Bust is well known for documenting her workout regime in a really positive and inspiring way. I also find the "This Girl Can" campaign particularly inspiring. Its all women, of all ages, shapes and sizes working out and participating in all manner of sports. Its a wonderful representation of the real world. And ALL women.

3. Concern and Disdain are different things.
The feigned concern of some people for the overweight doesn't mask your disdain at our weight. I don't need to be told, again, the health risks of being overweight. Believe me, I know them. And I would bet that most overweight people do. In fact I would wager that, like me, most overweight people know more about nutrition than the average person. I am obsessed with food, with health and how to lose weight and be healthy. Sadly that doesn't make me a great practitioner! I know a lot of people who have had plenty of singing lessons but still cant sing!

Just because I know how to lose weight, doesn't make it as easy as that. Many overweight people have a complex relationship with food. No matter what size I am, that doesn't change. Food is a source of comfort for me, a source of punishment, and finally a source of nutrition. I definitely fall in to the Live to Eat crowd.  Deprival of good food only makes me want it more. I don't buy cheese because I would only eat cheese and nothing else. I also don't buy white bread. I believe it to be the crack cocaine of the food world. I've never had crack cocaine but I imagine it to be very much like white bread. At least that's what my brain says. And therein lies the problem. I have no off switch when it comes to food.

And so enters disdain. I think some people who work hard on their weight (in my opinion, most people I know - I NEVER make the assumption that someone is "naturally" thin), can look at the body acceptance crowd and feel like its a slap in the face since they work so hard at being healthy (Society says Thin=Healthy; I do not agree with this as a blanket statement). But one person's Body acceptance has nothing to do with ANYONE ELSE! I have never endorsed being overweight but I am a HUGE advocate for BODY ACCEPTANCE (the irony!).  My experience of people who have learned to accept themselves is that they dont care about what you weigh, so why on earth should you care what size they are?? (And dont say "because my taxes pay for the health service blah blah blah....so do mine but I dont get a say in people drinking, smoking or doing drugs so give it a rest already. Maybe you should be thinking about why it makes YOU so uncomfortable?) If you really care, take off your 'hat of judgment' and put on your 'hat of understanding' (NB: Im thinking I might start a hat shop!) and learn that people are not everything you see on the outside. Ask questions, offer help (although not unsolicited help-that's just rude) & let people know that you care.

 Its wonderful that you work hard, and because I am fat, doesn't mean I don't admire what you are doing. But it doesn't mean that I can do it....so on to Number 4......

4. "If I can do it you can" is the most bullshit phrase I've ever heard (sorry).
Even your closest friends have no idea how your mind works, as you have no idea how theirs works. To prescribe to the idea that all it takes is willpower is quite simply bullshit. I know some people, my friend G for example, who keep me in awe of how bloody dedicated they are to their fitness goals. But for me, I can go for 2 or 3 days and then short-sightedly lose sight of why Im abstaining from bread! Just this morning I chose to lie in until 8am instead of getting up as I have the last 2 mornings at 7am and going in to the gym for half an hour. All because I was tired. I know G gets tired. She works full time, has an active 3 year old son, and a busy life, but she still finds time to work out. So I cant really use tiredness as an excuse.  But the simple fact is, I shouldn't need to have an excuse. Not for anyone else anyway.

I know people much larger than me who have done it. One friend lost 15stone!. I'm amazed by her. She works hard at the gym, was and still is incredibly disciplined with food and she could see the bigger picture. So many times I wished that could be me. I am currently on a journey of health and fitness and loving it and feeling motivated to do so, although, like anyone else, that can change with the wind but I am trying my best to be kind along the way.

So please don't tell me "if I can do it you can," its patronising, condescending and most of all incredibly presumptuous.

5. Body Acceptance is wonderful...for you not me.

I love that we live in a world where at least some people are accepting that a uniform shape and size is no longer king. We are seeing more and more plus size models and celebrities signing deals that keep them where they should be-in the public eye. But it also opens them up to a great deal of criticism. And there also seems to be a troubling school of thought that these wonderful human beings don't understand their own bodies or health and therefore need to be told that they are "fat" and "disgusting" and a "strain on the health service" I know people who never eat vegetables or fruit but live entirely on bacon sandwiches and takeaways. Yet they are not bombarded with "concerned" members of society telling them they need to stop eating terribly and look at their cholesterol and take some control.  Why? Because they're thin. So obviously they're healthy. Im not saying for a moment that being overweight doesn't come with health risks. But just because some of my health issues are worn on my body, society feels its ok to naively ascertain that anyone that is thin, is automatically healthy?! Do me a favour.

Here is not where I want to hear "curves are better, no one likes a stick, who wants skin and bones...." etc. I loathe body shaming, of anyone, of any size, and NO ONE is any better than anyone else based on a size or body shape. We are all the same skeleton underneath, some of us are just further away from their own bones! But no way is the right way. No one is the perfect form. We are what we are. And only you can decide for yourself if you are happy.

Im not saying I will never accept my body, but Im just saying that I dont have to do it to anyone else's timeline and neither does anyone else.

Its incredibly important for us to be aware of health risks of any sort, in whatever form they may come, but a little bit of kindness, a little bit of empathy never went astray. This is what I would want people to be aware of not just during Obesity Awareness Week, but all year round. We are all fighting our own battles. For me, you can see me fighting them on the outside of my body. For others, the battle is well and truly inside. 

The size of a person tells you nothing about that person's heart, physically or emotionally, or their soul. Maybe if we all spent a little bit more time focusing on our own well being we might all find that things will turn out just fine.

Kiki xxx